Today was a big day for the boys. It was their first day of kindergarten. Jack was really excited. He got up right away, got dressed, and ate his breakfast. Then, he cleaned his bedroom. Dean was a little quiet, didn't seem as excited. We got to the school just as Dean's class was filing into his room and Jack's class was lining up outside his room. I kissed them both goodbye, told them to find each other at recess and lunchtime, told them I love them and they're going to do great. Jack went in by himself only glancing at me twice. Tom walked Dean into his room and got him settled. Then we went back to check on Jack. He was sitting at the end of the table with his head in his hands, face red, clearly trying so hard not to cry.
Oh, it just broke my heart.
We waved at him through the window, blew him kisses, flashed him the OK sign and thumbs up. It was really hard to walk away.
I was thinking about them all day - wondering if they were ok, were they making friends, were they still feeling scared and nervous. Finally, it was time to pick them up. Of course they were fine. They both like their teachers. I had an opportunity to talk to Jack's teacher and she said he did just fine. She said he paid attention really well. They are in the after school care and they both liked that too.
We went out for ice cream after and then had our first soccer meeting. The boys got their uniforms, met their coach and got to kick the ball around a little. Then we picked up Tom at the bus station and went to dinner.
Tonight as the boys were falling asleep, Jack told me that he liked kindergarten but that he almost cried. We talked about how it's ok to cry, it's ok to be nervous. Tom came in and told him that his assignment for tomorrow is to go to another kid in his class, introduce yourself and ask what their name is.
I thought I was ready. I didn't cry when it was our last day at the daycare, the boys are well prepared, we've been prepping them and so did the daycare. Even as we walked into the schoolyard I felt fine, they were ready. It wasn't until I saw Jack sitting in that room with his hands in his face that I thought, no, I'm not ready for this. I can't take not being there to help him navigate this.
Can you imagine how I'll feel when they go off to college?
But today, they made me so incredibly proud.
