Template Parenting

I had what could possibly be the best parenting day ever. First of all, let me preface this post by saying that I went out Saturday night and had a few drinsk . . . oops, I mean drinks. So when I went to bed late Saturday night (think early Sunday morning) I was really expecting to have one of those foggy, headachy days when the kids seem to whine extra long and extra loud. Especially since D was running a fever Saturday evening. So, maybe it was the low expectations. Anyway, J crawled into bed at 5:30am but fell right back to sleep . . . and stayed there until 7:30am. Ok, I haven't stayed in bed until 7:30am in years! What a luxury! We went out to the living room and put in a movie which he watched quietly while I leafed through a magazine. Yes, you heard right. I leafed through a magazine!! D joined us early in the movie and since they were being so sweet and mellow, I gave them an extra nutri grain bar. What a treat, right? Then J helped me make the waffle batter and I made waffles. After breakfast, I took them to the Farmer's Market. T's friend Step had dropped by to watch the Eagles game so I figured, what the hell - let's get out of their hair and after we shop at the FM, I'll take the boys to the playground as a reward. They were so good at the market - helped me pick out zucchini, broccoli, cauliflower, apples and green beans. They only fought one time but otherwise stayed close to me and listened so well. There was a big bounce house with a rock wall and slide at the FM so we took the groceries to the car, then walked over to the bounce house. J hopped into that house and immediately went for the rock wall. He navigated that wall like a pro and before I knew it, was down the slide and running back for more. It was amazing to watch. D required a little more help. He tried to do it on his own but got scared as he reached the top. I had to go in and help him up the wall a few times but then he "got" it. Frankly, I don't blame him for being scared - that wall was steeeeep!! And when there were other kids at the top it swayed and it was a little disconcerting, even for me. Anyway, they did that for 30 minutes and then it was time to go. They protested for a while but I explained that they got to go up one last time but that their time was up and we needed to take the groceries home and have lunch. Once I got their shoes back on, both of them wanted to be carried. So, I hoisted J onto my right hip then leaned down for D to hook onto my left hip. As we were walking away from the bounce house a woman sitting on the lawn with her infant said "way to go, girl - bravo". I gotta say - it made me feel so good. Sometimes it's so hard to stay patient and of all days, yesterday should have been the worse but instead, it was the best. We went home and T had lunch ready for us. After lunch he and Step took the boys for a drive - code for you need naps!!! I took off for Target and spent the afternoon picking out accessories for my new office. The rest of the day passed uneventfully but just as peacefully. Part of me is really skeptical - like what the heck happened that I could manage things so well yesterday when other days the littlest thing will have me tearing my hair out? I don't know but I hope to take this day and use it as a "template" for the kind of parent I want to be everyday.

Happy Birthday D

Dear D,
You reluctantly entered the world three years ago today. You were not ready but J was anxious and so the decision was made for you. Your dissatisfaction was expressed with weak cries and whimpering - and it was music to my ears. You gave us a scare the next day when your lung collapsed and you had to have a chest tube inserted. But, you are fierce and determined and were so even then. We used to do kangaroo care with you and you absolutely loved it. I would unbutton my shirt and the nurse would slide you in, then I'd cover us with a blanket and you would nuzzle deep into my chest, curled up like a little kidney bean. That's why we started calling you "the Bean". And when it was time to put you back in your isolette, you would resist - your little fingers grasping to hold onto my skin, your face straining to stay next to my chest. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you there forever.
Sometimes I would walk into the NICU and find you with your finger on your chin, squinting through your eyes as if to ask skeptically, "what is that?". While J wanted to explore his surroundings enthusiastically, you were more wary. And today, you are by turns shy and outgoing, determined and unsure, afraid to change and quick to change. You're a bit of a mystery and I think you like it that way. Your sense of humor is quiet and smart. You're independent but sometimes just need your momma or daddy. Your memory is unbelievable and you have been known to hold a grudge for hours - but then, sweetly you will forgive us, tired of being mad and the energy it takes, with a simple hug.
My little Bean - my excitable, smart, funny, fierce, determined, cautious, lovable Bean - Happy third Birthday.
I love you.
Momma

Happy Birthday J

Dear J,
It was 3 years ago today that you quietly entered the world. Not breathing, not crying. I held my breath waiting to hear you - finally after D was born, I heard you. I'll never forget the enormous relief I felt when I heard those weak cries and whimpers. And now, you are 3 years old. I can't believe how fast these years have gone. Over the 2 months that you were in the NICU, your personality began to emerge. Your eyes were always open - those big round eyes wanted to see everything. You always seemed to be asking "what is that?", always straining to see your surroundings. The nurses would frequently take pictures of you because those big eyes would be positively comical in your tiny little face.
And today, your eyes are still enormous and so expressive - dark brown just like your daddy's, rimmed in the thickest, curliest lashes. And you often ask "what is that?", just as you always seemed to when you were a newborn. I love the way you want to hold my hand when we're sitting on the couch watching a movie. I love the way you throw your arms around my neck and kiss my cheek and say "I love you". I even love that you don't want me to leave when I drop you off at daycare, the way you wrap your arms around my leg and bury your face and say "don't go to work". Sometimes you come over to me and just kiss my hand or my leg and then you look up at me and smile. You like when I wear lipstick and want me to kiss you so you'll have some too. And what a helper! Whether it's emptying the dishwasher, running the vacuum, putting the groceries away - you love to help.
So, to my sweet, loving, affectionate, curious, energetic, helpful, wonderful J - Happy 3rd Birthday.
I love you.
Momma

Mary really gets around

When we were driving around Boston, the boys were entertaining us by singing "Mary had a little lamb". First D sang the song, well the first line of the song not the entire song but it was on key and he had that line down. Then J joined in but J's version is a little different. For one thing, it's much louder and not necessarily on key - not because J can't sing but because J has a quirky sense of humor. And another thing - his song lyric went like this "Mary had a yellow man". Like I said, J's funny. Anyway, so they're singing away back there when suddenly D yells out "NOT LIKE THAT!!!". J keeps singing the same way with the same lyric but even louder and D yells again "NOT LIKE THAT!!!". And so it went on and on until D ended up screaming and J screamed back and then suddenly there's tears and I suggested maybe we should come up with a different song to sing.
A few days after we got back to LA, as we were driving home from school, J started singing "Mary had a little lamb" with the correct lyrics and tune. He paused briefly and during that pause D chirped "yeah, like that!".

Pin Signing

Here's me looking slightly sheepish as I wait for the first people in line - the ones who've waited 3 1/2 hours for this!!

3 hours of Fame

Back in July, the CL gang sent out an invitation to all of FA to pick up a CL maquette and re-cast him into a new role - whatever we wanted. I picked one up and finally figured out what I would do - 2 days before he was due. I decided to make him into an out of work actor. After all, his movie is over and the kid's gotta find some work. So, I found green-rimmed sunglasses, a khaki visor, a green backpack and a miniature phone. I created a script to hang out of his backpack, made miniature acting books and trade magazines, made headshots and even created a miniature resume - complete with real and fake credits. I was real-ly proud of my effort and thought when I handed him in that I would never see him again. Well, it turns out that D-land loved all the maquettes that FA did and decided to choose 4 to have commemorative pins made. My little chicken was picked and on Saturday, October 15th I got to go down to D-land for a pin signing event. It was a great experience. First, to my surprise, there was a line of people waiting for the event to start who had been there since 6:00am. They were so excited about the pin, about meeting us (the designers) and about the character. It was very uplifting to see the positive response about a character whose movie isn't even out yet. We signed for 3 hours and had a steady group of people during that time. Some wanted to take our pictures, some wanted pictures with us, some wanted their pins personalized, some wanted us to sign their autograph books. All were enormous fans of Dney and their enthusiasm is contagious. It's invigorating to be around that level of Dney love - it reminds me of all the things that I love about working here.

Overheard

on the way to school this morning:

What are you doing, J? (D)

Picking my nose. (J)

Oh. (D)

The Four of us

The Wedding

. . . was spectacular. There was such a great attention to detail but not in an overwhelming way that made you feel like you were watching a "production". Just wonderful details that made the ceremony seem so intimate and personal and yet, we were part of it. For instance, one of my favorite parts was when the Reverend asked that everyone who pledged their support of this marriage to please show that committment by standing. The couple faced us as we all stood and watching their expressions as they absorbed the love that surrounded them was beautiful. Another favorite moment was when they each lit a candle from the unity candle, then walked down the aisle to light the candle of the first person in each pew who then passed the light down the pew until all the candles were lit. It was lovely. I was videotaping the ceremony for Eddie's mom, Chick which was good because I was able to disconnect from the emotion for a little bit. Later, at the reception, I was so emotional - just tearing up over every little thing. I guess it's because I've seen this couple together and apart, together and apart and I didn't think they'd ever get to this day. To see them together, so committed and to be witness to the partnership was really special. Anyway, on to the reception. Oh - one other special touch. When we exited the church, we were given sheet music wrapped up like a cone and inside were rose petals that we were to throw to the couple when they emerged. I later found out that every sheet of music was to a different love song. I really wish I had kept mine.
The reception - really fun, fantastic food, amazing wine, great music. T gave a great toast that made us laugh and cry. Eddie and Elizabeth danced their first dance to a Springsteen song "If I should fall behind". Yeah - I was a puddle during that. I don't know what else to say. Everything I write seems inadequate. I don't have the words to describe how I felt when I saw them dance together. I just don't have the words.
Look at a picture.

We're back!

It was my intention to post throughout our vacation but I just didn't make it. So, that means there is a lot to catch up on. Since I did post about the family reunion, I'll start with the next event which was the BBQ at the Reinoso's. It was wonderful to see these guys, who've been friends since high school, gathered on the deck with their respective spouses and kids, watching the game and swapping stories. A really fun day.
The next evening we went to the Hagey's (another friend from high school) for dinner. That was a stressful night for us because J and D (especially J) were absolute bullies to their kids. My theory is that since the boys always have each other to knock around that they're used to more rough play than kids who are only children or just not used to rough play. And it seems that if a kid doesn't "fight back", that J just gets rougher and rougher. That and we need to limit their sugar intake. Too much ice cream makes J a very naughty boy.
The next day we headed up to Andover, MA to visit our friends, the Tenore's. J and R are practicing Muslims and it was the first day of Ramadan, so we weren't sure what to expect and wanted to make sure we weren't keeping them from anything. We arrived just before sundown - perfect timing! - and R laid out a feast on the table. First, we broke the fast with a sweet, cold soup with fruit in it. Next, a large bowl of chicken soup with pasta and meatballs was put in front of us. Then, the main course: fried chicken drumsticks, chicken curry, jasmine rice, and baked haddock. It was utterly delicious. Finally, we finished off our dinner with tea and cake. Then the boys and their daughter, C, gave chase around the house. C took the early lead - the girl is fast and J maintained a good distance behind her. D brought up the rear and got lapped once or twice. We had a talk with the boys before we got there about the importance of sharing and being kind to C so they were much better than they had been the night previous. The next day, the Tenore's were kind enough to take us through Boston for a quick tour and walk around at Harvard Square. Then we were off for Hyannis to catch the ferry to Nantucket.
Next up - Nantucket with special devotion to the Eddie/Elizabeth wedding.

Memorable Quotes

"Uncle T - I think J is wearing too much makeup." - Cousin Joci to T after discovering J covering his face with lipstick.

Reunion

Just returned from the Rappold Family Reunion. It was really nice to have all the families together for the first time since we've all (well, most) had kids. Watching E and Joc show their cousins their playroom made me wish we could be a little closer so we could get together more often. Jam adores baseball and desperately wanted J or D to play with him but they are just too young still to know what to do. And Jam's quite good with the bat! He looks like a little pro.
It was the first time many of us got to meet our cousins' children and it was really neat to get the kids together to see the similarities. Billy Rappold's little boy Nicholas looks just like him and has an affinity for bugs. As Billy was taking him out to the car to go home, Nicholas was talking about the various bugs we were likely to see at night, why they come out at night and what they might do to us (bite us and leave pimples on our faces).
Joc reminds me so much of D with her deep brown eyes with the sloping lids, contemplative demeanor, quietly observing the action around her. E is all girly personality - already seeming like a girl I wanted to hang out with in high school - smart, pretty, and confident but still a little girl. M and S - so grown up. M is driving now and in her junior year of high school, still dancing, getting more beautiful by the day. Everyone agrees, she looks like Memmie more and more every year.
Bill and Pauline were there with Amanda, Paul and Elizabeth and their girls Madeleine and Mikayla.
Aunt Nancy and Uncle Matt were there, also and it was the first time all the children of Henry and Betty Rappold were together in some 8 years. I only met Henry once and Betty twice but as I reflect on the evening I think they would have been really proud to see their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren together today. All these different lives from all over the country came together to honor them and to celebrate family. It was really a lovely thing to be a part of. Memmie would be so incredibly proud of her grandchildren and even though she is no longer with us, her spirit lives in the souls of her children and grandchildren. I feel really lucky to have married into this family.

PHL - Nonstop

Whew! What a long day that was! We left our house on Thursday, 9/29 at 9:30am, caught the bus at the local airport, checked in at the airport and were at the gate by 11:00am - and had 2 hours to kill. Finally, we got on the plane and we were so lucky because we had an extra seat and it really came in handy! D slept for 4 hours on the plane - almost the entire trip. J slept for nearly 2 hours and then sat on T's lap to color and look at books. They did remarkably well. We didn't get to Grandfather's house until nearly midnight and then they were so excited that they didn't go to sleep until 1:30am. We all took naps yesterday! We're having a really nice time. Today is the Rappold family reunion at Janine's house. That's all for now - more later.

Nautica Malibu Triathlon - Sunday 9/25/2005

I completed my first triathlon! We arrived at Zuma Sunday morning at 5:30am. I set up my transition area, applied the body glide, took a group photo with the rest of the Dney Tri Team and then walked around chatting with fellow teammates. I felt surprisingly calm even as I looked out at pretty big waves. We headed to the beach for 7:00am greeting by the race director then watched the elites head out at 7:15am. My wave wasn't until 8:00am so I went back to the transition area, did a shot of gu then headed back to the beach to contemplate going into the water for a warmup. At 7:50am I went into the water - damn it was cold! 59 degrees! Yikes. So I went in and dove under a few waves just to feel the water, feel the current, get used to the shock. Then back onto the beach to wait for the cannon to signal my start. I lined up toward the back of the pack and on the left. 8:00am - BOOM!! and here we go! I ran out to the water, there were people everywhere - nowhere to dolphin because I'd get kicked. Dolphined a couple of times, dove under some big ones and then finally had fairly calm water and started to swim. Rounded the first buoy quickly and came up to the second one pretty quickly, too. The third buoy seemed to take forever but once I rounded that it was time to turn back into shore. As I swam into shore I kept looking over my shoulder for a big wave to either ride in or dive under. Unfortunately when the big wave came I couldn't make up my mind about riding it in or diving under it and mother nature made the decision for me when that big, bad wave crested on top of my head and spun me around like the spin cycle of a washing machine. Finally, I managed to get my head out of the water for a giant breath and then started swimming again. I kind of caught a little wave that propelled me toward shore and I realized the water was shallow enough that I could start running. Except that I could barely feel my legs. Everything was pretty numb. Did I mention how cold the water was? Anyway, finally got out of the water and started shuffling through the sand. It's hard to run through sand when your body is numb and you've just swam a half mile. Somehow peeled my wetsuit off my body and got my cycling jersey on, then helmet and sunglasses, socks and shoes, got the bike off the rack and off I went. It sounds so fast as I write it but it took me 6 minutes. Nothing eventful happened on the bike - it just took forever. You know, rolling hills blah blah blah. People passing me constantly. Then finally, I'm back in the transition area racking the bike and taking off the helmet, then off I go again for the run. My goal was to complete the whole race in 2 hours 30 minutes. When I looked at my watch after the bike I realized I was really going to have to run hard to make it. Well the first mile felt like I was running on concrete pillars - everything ached and burned. But at the first mile marker I started hitting my stride and feeling comfortable. I passed tons of fellow Dney tri teamers and hearing "Go Team Dney!" as you pass them really spurred me on. At the 2 mile mark I checked the watch and realized I was going to have to run really fast to hit my time goal. I kicked into high gear and before I knew it I was nearing the finish line. The finish area was lined with people cheering and when I came through they started yelling "Go Dney" and that just made me sprint home. I crossed the finish line with a time of 2:28:19! My 4 mile run equaled 42 minutes - that's the fastest I've ever run 4 miles. It was awesome! I can't wait to do it again.
Goals for next year:
1) Shave 1 minute off the swim
2) Shave 2 minutes off T1
3) Shave 15 minutes off the bike
4) Shave 2 minutes off the run

That'll get me closer to 2:10 and then hopefully the following year I can beat 2:00.

More goals for next year:
Besides Nautica, 2 other triathlons.
LA Triathlon - maybe Olympic distance??

Fundraising note: I raised $1775.00 for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation and the Dney Tri Team together raised $168,000.00!!

MOM!

That's what J calls me now. MOM! Like he's 13 and he needs some money to go play video games with his delinquent friends. I'm too young to have a 13 year old. T is a little amused at my reaction to this new development. I suppose I would be too, if it weren't for the fact that it's happening to ME! I have noticed that if I don't answer J right away that he reverts to calling me Mommy. But that's probably not the best way to handle it. The thing about J is that he has kind of a wicked sense of humor and is getting quite a kick out of calling me MOM! So the best approach is probably just to ignore it and he'll eventually start calling me Mommy again and then all will be right with the world.

Triathlon Picture

I love this picture.

Thank God Tanja didn't snap a picture of me struggling to get out of my wetsuit.

SCARY!!

Beach Boys

Memorable Quotes

Heard on the way home from the mall last night:

Don't ever bite me. Ok moon? - Dean

Don't talk to me. I'm talking to Daddy. - Dean to Jack

Ramblings

I don't have anything really to say. But I feel guilty for not writing anything since September 4. It's not that our lives have been especially quiet lately, it's just been exceptionally busy and I haven't had the time to chronicle the funny, weird, maddening events of our lives. Plus, it seemed so trite to write about the mundane suburban adventures when so many people have been displaced with just the clothes on their backs. The President addressed the nation last week and it was the first time I was able to listen to one of his speeches the whole way through. Of course, I was just listening to him on the radio so I didn't have to see his facial expressions as he worked his way through the difficult text. The speech was fine but it was just delivered too late. At any rate, I can't really write about it in a thoughtful, diplomatic way and that's not what this blog is about.
The boys are doing well although, Dean's going through a phase which is not at all attractive. He's become very - well sensitive, I guess. He just loses it without any warning and then all is lost. Even Jack has tried to help him but that just makes him more mad. Last Sunday when he woke from his nap he just sat on Tom's lap and cried for an hour and a half. Tom and I were acting like flustered waiters - can I get you some milk? some yogurt? some applesauce? do you want some water? juice? PLEASE TELL ME!!!!! Finally, I asked if he wanted a sippy cup and he half wailed, half cried "yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". Affirmative??? Now that's something I can work with. So after he sucked down a cup full of rice milk, all was right with the world. That bipolar thing is tugging at the back of my brain - I swear! But those moments really aren't that often. Jack climbed into bed this morning, wrapped his arms around my neck and exclaimed, "I love you mommy". That's what it's all about. Bedtime with Dean is one of my favorite times of the day. He nestles into my arm to read books and then when it's time for him to climb into bed he turns to me with his lips pursed ready for kisses. And I can't help but lay my head next to his and tell him over and over what a good, sweet boy he is and that I love him sooooo much. He smiles and says "ok".
Life is good.

Heartbreak

I haven't written about Hurricane Katrina and the devastation along the Gulf Coast, especially New Orleans, because nothing I say can possibly describe the gravity or enormity of the tragedy. The entire city of New Orleans is wiped out. It and the surrounding towns are under water. The floodwaters reached the rooftops and still haven't receded because they haven't been able to repair the broken levees.
How in the world could this have happened? There was warning that a category 5 hurricane was due to hit the gulf coast. There was a mandatory evacuation of New Orleans and yet there were thousands upon thousands of people left in the city. People who were then told to take shelter in the Superdome - where they ran out of food and water within a day or two and the conditions became so unsanitary and unsafe that they began using the stairways as bathrooms.
And where was our President? What of Homeland Security? FEMA? Our Secretary of Homeland Security claimed in an interview on Thursday, Sept. 1st that he had no idea that people in the Superdome were out of food and water. How is that possible when I read about it on the internet on Wednesday?
It makes me sick. And when this administration is questioned on it's slow, inadequate response they divert the question and accuse Democrats and the media of politicking and politicizing. Everything about this President and his corrupt administration is too little, too late. I don't know if America can afford another 3 years of this.