Thursday, November 17, 2005

Happy Birthday D

Dear D,
You reluctantly entered the world three years ago today. You were not ready but J was anxious and so the decision was made for you. Your dissatisfaction was expressed with weak cries and whimpering - and it was music to my ears. You gave us a scare the next day when your lung collapsed and you had to have a chest tube inserted. But, you are fierce and determined and were so even then. We used to do kangaroo care with you and you absolutely loved it. I would unbutton my shirt and the nurse would slide you in, then I'd cover us with a blanket and you would nuzzle deep into my chest, curled up like a little kidney bean. That's why we started calling you "the Bean". And when it was time to put you back in your isolette, you would resist - your little fingers grasping to hold onto my skin, your face straining to stay next to my chest. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you there forever.
Sometimes I would walk into the NICU and find you with your finger on your chin, squinting through your eyes as if to ask skeptically, "what is that?". While J wanted to explore his surroundings enthusiastically, you were more wary. And today, you are by turns shy and outgoing, determined and unsure, afraid to change and quick to change. You're a bit of a mystery and I think you like it that way. Your sense of humor is quiet and smart. You're independent but sometimes just need your momma or daddy. Your memory is unbelievable and you have been known to hold a grudge for hours - but then, sweetly you will forgive us, tired of being mad and the energy it takes, with a simple hug.
My little Bean - my excitable, smart, funny, fierce, determined, cautious, lovable Bean - Happy third Birthday.
I love you.

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