Monday, September 29, 2008


Dear Dean,

It was another rough weekend for us. I have to admit that I was at the end of my rope this morning. Your friend Frank came over for a playdate on Sunday and you were just miserable. I think you had a very specific idea of what you and Frank would do and I suspect you weren't factoring your brother into any of your plans. When Frank wanted to play with Jack, well that really upset your apple cart and it was very hard to get you past it. You spent most of the playdate angry and screaming in your room. Finally, when Frank was nearly ready to leave you came out of your room and Frank said to you, "Did you throw your bad mood in the trash Dean?" and that was about the best thing anyone could have said to you. Gosh, I wish I had known that trick ages ago. You chirped "yep!" and skipped over to the table to get in on the snack action. From then on it was all love and smiles and a sicky sweet voice that left me shaking my head - partly in awe and partly in exhaustion.

I was all ready to peck out a testy little post this morning about what a difficult weekend we had. Then I read a post by this American woman who lives in Jordan with her husband and three daughters. The post was to her youngest daughter, to honor her on her third birthday and it was the sweetest post about how she thought when she found out that she was pregnant that this third child would be the cherry - the first was the ice cream, the second the hot fudge and now the third, the cherry. But she has turned out to be so much more than just a cherry. She's the whole 31 flavors. I was suddenly struck with the terrible feeling that I haven't been honoring you very much lately. In fact, it seems like all I ever do is complain and that has to somehow seep into your consciousness. What a terrible burden to lay at your feet.

I vow to do better. It is true Dean that you are a boy of extremes and that you sometimes make things more difficult for yourself. But, that doesn't negate the power behind your high wattage smile. It is during challenging times that I need to tune into the depth of your soul and remember the softness of your heart. I need to be mindful that your anger masks a deep sensitivity, that you are independent and spirited and those qualities will serve you well when you become an adult and those same qualities require of me a greater understanding and deeper commitment to nurture. To soothe anger with love, understanding and caring rather than trying to stamp it out with more anger. Throwing fire on a fire only builds a bigger fire.

This is my promise to you, Dean. That I will respond to your fears with calm understanding, your anger will be met with love and nurturing, and I will have a tank of patience on reserve. You deserve my very best - nothing less.



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

````````Positive energy to you, to help you keep your promise ``````````````