Twenty Years

Twenty years ago today I arrived in this city with my little dodge packed to the gills and my head full of dreams.

I'm still here....

I'm not doing what I came out to do but I love the way my life has turned out.

This has been one hell of a ride and it's only getting better....

Something Sweet

My photo was posted on the truffle girls website today.

Have a peek.

Note from the Universe

Every day I get a note from the Universe, delivered straight to my inbox.

This was today's:

Sometimes it just sneaks up on you, Kelsi, doesn't it? You don't even see it coming. Suddenly and without warning, you're surrounded by the best friends you've ever known. You're waking up in the mornings just "dying" to get into the day. There's a lightness in your step and a gleam in your eye. Your thinking is new, your laughter frequent, and you're drawn to tears whenever you hear happy tales. You're on a roll, so it's not like you're thinking about it, but if you were to think about it, you wouldn't know what's gotten into you, nor would you recall just when. You'd only shake your head whenever you thought of how quickly everything can change... Just something to remember the next time you don't see something coming. By the way, you row my oars -
The Universe

Today is my 41st birthday. Last year, as I faced my 40th birthday I was also facing an impending job loss (though the official notice took months...) and a crisis of confidence, of sorts. I wanted to do something more creative but I didn't have the background. I loved taking pictures but didn't want make it my business. I liked to write but I didn't like to be told when to write or what to write!! So I did Mondo Beyondo and Inspired Work and I made my lists and I opened myself up to my largest hopes and dreams. I remember sitting at my desk one day and deciding that I needed to write down what kind of boss I wanted and what kind of team I wanted to work with. I wrote the following words: Inspiring, Creative, Collaborative, Innovative, Challenging. Now? I'm there. Is it because I made a list? Would it have happened anyway? Or does my openness to the possibilities actually bring the possibilities to me? There's no way of knowing. But it certainly didn't hurt, did it? I feel so incredibly blessed - by the opportunities I've been given, by the people in my life, by the love that surrounds me. If this can happen after one of my hardest years in which I felt directionless and helpless....what will the future bring?

09/20/10

Music to my ears....Dean playing piano for fun.
The best birthday present he could give to me.

Back on track, sort of

We took a field trip to the roof today to do a little location scouting. Here's Tanja checking her email.

Not a recap, yet

I can't do the summer recap right now. Instead, here are some things that absolutely made my day today:

• Dean, bursting into the house yelling my name, "MOM! Where are you? I had such a good day! I LOVE MY SCHOOL!! Thank you for introducing me to Talia and Quinn! I made so many new friends! I have my own cubby and I get mail! Thank you so much!"
• Jack, shyly looking up at me and telling me that yeah, he had a great day, too.
  
• This email about one of my photographs: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?!!?!?! I LOVE IT! jeez, this is a genius photo. i got chills." - from a t.ruffle girl!!! D'you know how amazing that felt??
• Salmon cakes with honey mustard sauce and steamed green beans and snap peas tossed with the best butter in the world.
• The lunches and coffee are made for tomorrow.
• A good Tae Kwon Do workout at home - all my forms, self defense techniques and advanced one-step sparring. Awesome!
  
• My book, waiting for me to finish this post!
• Life is good.
  

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First day of school at a new school. A little nervous, a little excited. Can't wait to hear how it was.

Back to School ... And More Coming

The boys started school today - at a new school. It's hard to start in a new place and leave good friends behind. The boys were excited about their new school, but a little nervous. Today will be the hardest day for them but I know, absolutely to my core, that this was the right decision for them.

A way overdue Summer Recap is in store and I swear I will write it tonight.

So much good is happening .... it makes my heart want to burst open.

I'm woefully behind on photos - I am still taking them (most of the time) but completely fell off the wagon about posting them. I hope to get back on track with it soon.

More is coming .... I promise. But if I don't get to it later today, just know this: I was in one of the worst mental places in my life this time last year. I had no idea what I was going to do job-wise, I was about to turn 40, I felt lost and uninspired, I felt checked out as a parent and wife, I felt sorry for myself and angry, I felt I hadn't done enough and I was running out of time. Now, one year later, I am about to turn 41. I've had the absolute BEST summer spending time with friends and family. I have a new job that I love, working with people who are smart, creative, and inspiring. My kids are going to the school that I wished for. My husband and my kids are healthy and wonderful. I don't have any more time, money or rest than I did last year but my life is so full of love and I am thrilled with the momentum and the direction in which it's going.

You may think I'm crazy, but I firmly believe that this had a lot to do with my change of direction.

Off to see the Wizard

We're watching The Wizard of Oz for the first time.

Dean's comment: Nope, she's not in Candace anymore.

Jack's: I liked it when she was in Candace better.

Today

Today I:

slept in (sadly 8:00am is now sleeping in)
finished the laundry
baked 2 loaves of banana bread
gave 1 loaf away to a friend
laughed
cleaned the house
bought fresh fruit from the farm stand
brushed both dogs
cooked 2 meals
cleaned the kitchen
took pictures
said hello to my neighbors
didn't yell at the boys
almost had to cross off that last sentence

08/01/10

My handsome husband.

07/23/10

Tamsin gets thrown into the deep end.

072310

What color is your moon tonight?
Mine is blue.

Today

Today I:
Yelled at the boys
Said I'm sorry
Worked hard
Had lunch with a friend
Laughed hard
Was inspired
Got sweaty
Had ideas
Am grateful
Exercised
Bought groceries
Washed dishes
Prepped for tomorrow
Took a picture
Wrote on my blog
Took a hot shower
Went to sleep

I love happy endings.

Day? - 072210

Poor Wolfie. He's not feeling so good today.
Although, right after I took this picture he started wrestling with Kate so maybe he's feeling better now.

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07/17/10 California desert sunset. Home sweet home.

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07/16/10 Heading home. Sunset courtesy of Idaho.

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07/14/10 Inside the ice cream shop in Cody, WY. The boys are learning about women.

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07/11/10 Leaving the Tetons, heading to Yellowstone.

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07/10/10 Jackson Hole, WY

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07/09/10 Idaho falls, Idaho

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07/08/10 all packed up and ready for a road trip. Yellowstone - here we come!

Day . . . ?

I sort of fell off the 365 Project wagon. I do have photos for 6/30, 7/3, 7/4 and 7/5 but I left my computer at work and am using Dean's to post today's photo.

Soooooo, let's get right to it, shall we?

This is Claire and Lisa. They are painting the Rapunzel mural at work. It's going to look amazing when it's done.

Day 176

The boys' bags - all packed up and ready for their 2 days in Big Bear.
Lucky them.

Lucky us!

Day 175

Look at that cheesy smile.

Day 174

We came up with a way to beat the heat this Sunday afternoon.

Day 173

It's official . . .

Day 172

06/25/1999

Happy Anniversary, my love.

Day 171

Talking to a girl from his class.
We are in so much trouble.

Day 170

Part of the group of teen actors who we toured through the building today. They asked great questions and were really engaged.

Day 169

Hello little guy. Could you please go camp out in someone else's tree? You make my dogs go crazy!

Day 16?

I scored an awesome parking spot today. See those windows on the ground floor? My office is directly across from there.

Day 167

Happy Father's Day!!

Day 166

Sometimes I think Dean is part monkey.

We took the boys to see The Karate Kid today. The original was better but the kung fu was beautiful. I did like the ending better on this one.

Day 165

Jack - on the last day of school.

Day 164

Summer break is within reach . . .
Just one more day of school!!

Day 163

We're doing a bit of construction in our pod at work. There were 4 hard wall cubes in there on Monday when I left. I kind of love the pink ball in the middle of it all.

Oh, I changed jobs 4 weeks ago. I'm now in Talent Development. Our department is in charge of school and industry outreach, the trainee and undergraduate associate program, inspiration, innovation, and spark. I get to help set up industry events and tour college art students around the building. I get to reinvent our artistic library including updating the space and the materials. I get to go around the building and interview people for videos for events and take pictures. I get to brainstorm ideas for re-engaging our people and come up with new ways to inspire and support evolution. I don't have to do anything in excel. I do get to learn everything I can about Adobe Photoshop, InDesign, Dreamweaver, Flash, etc. I don't have to give any bad news. I am on the right path.

Day 162

Jack's class did a little demonstration of a couple of the dances they learned this year. I didn't tell him that I was coming and he was so surprised to see me there. After this dance, the teacher asked for parents to come up and dance with their kids. I got to learn this dance with him and then we all did it together. It was really fun.

Note:
I tried to post this last night with a video of the entire dance but had technical difficulties.

Day 161

Hello Dean. You sure are cute.

Day 160

Dean went for a motorcycle ride today. He loved it.

Day 158 and Day 159

Niki Haris and her fiancee Wycliffe Gordon kick off the 2nd set last night. This concert was their way of saying 'farewell' to LA. This pictures are a bit blurry because I didn't want to use the flash. I like the way he's looking at her in this shot.

This was at the end of the night, finishing up the last song. Technically, it was after midnight so I feel perfectly justified in using it for my picture of the day today. The music was incredible.

Day 157

Petunias in the school garden.

Day 156

06/09/10, originally uploaded by Twintales.

Jackie!

Day 155

I know he's not looking at me and his face is half hidden from the bars but there's something about it that I kind of love.

Tuesday is dance class day at school. Every Tuesday, the boys wear their green tshirts that say Sky High Dance on them. Every single Tuesday. Today, I ran into the dance teacher and told her that my boys love her class. She asked their names and when I told her she said, "Dean?! I love that little guy!! He's so into it. He's so focused. I'm not just saying this either. We made a connection." It's really nice to hear.

Last night, Dean was practicing piano and Jack and I were singing along for him. It helps him with the pacing and to know what comes next. When Dean got to the end of his song, he held the last note and looked over his shoulder to see our reaction. We clapped and cheered and told him, in all seriousness, how great it was. Then he said, in his best lounge act voice, "Who wants Honeydew?" And then he played Honeydew. When he was finished with that, he looked over his shoulder and, again in his lounge voice, "Who wants Jackson blues?!" And then played Jackson Blues. It was awesome.

Day 154

Slam DUNK!

Day 153

The final piece of the black belt test - breaking a brick. I broke this one with a palm strike. Went right through it - first try!

It was an incredible weekend. I was amazingly calm throughout the testing. My nervousness would only pop up after I had done something but as soon as I became aware of that, I forced myself to slow my breathing and then I relaxed and the nerves went away. My legs felt good and my hamstrings didn't give me any problems. They just got a little sore after sitting for a while. I spent an hour in the hot tub after the test and that helped tremendously. My sparring felt a little weak but that's because I haven't sparred since I tore my hamstring two months ago.

This isn't the end . . . just the beginning. Next up: testing for my black belt in Hapkido in December. Then, testing for 2nd degree black belt in June 2012. What I thought was something I wanted to cross off my list has become a way of life. And I love it.

Day 152

Tae Geuk Oe Jong
Black Belt Testing Day One
It. Was. AWESOME!!
Tomorrow - brick breaking!
Tae Geuk Oe Jong
Black Belt Testing Day 1 - It was awesome!
Tomorrow - brick breaking!!

Testing for Black Belt

I'm testing for black belt tomorrow and all week long I've felt this strange sort of detachment. I'm worried about my legs - I've been working with a torn right hamstring and adductor muscle and then last weekend I strained my left hamstring. I'm disappointed that I'm not at my best physically but everyone assures me that it's really common to hurt yourself just before the black belt test. So I'm dealing with that. Last Friday was my last morning class with Master Dylan. I knew it was coming. He gave us the news months ago that he would be stopping the morning classes as soon as I got my black belt. But it hasn't really sunk in yet that it's over. He was in New York this week and I think I've been treating this as though he's just been out of town and when he's back we'll resume our normal schedule. But that's not going to happen and so suddenly, I'm confronted with all these emotions that I haven't really connected to yet. The relationship between Master and student is really unique and special and so I'm mourning the loss of that regular interaction. At the same time I'm forging a new relationship with Master Robie but it's different. Master Dylan is definitely more focused on hapkido and the spiritual and internal aspects of martial arts whereas Master Robie is more focused on the kicking techniques and sparring. And I wonder, how am I going to fit this into my schedule now that I'll have to go to evening classes? Mornings were so much easier for me. How is this going to work? What will I have to sacrifice? All of this is swirling around in my head and it's pushing away all thoughts of the actual test. Or maybe, I'm subconsciously pushing those thoughts away. This has been a dream of mine for years and it's about to come true. What happens when it does? When I cross that off my list I'm sure I'll feel pride and an enormous sense of accomplishment but what if I also feel a let down? I was telling Tom tonight that I don't feel nervous and that should worry me. He told me that I've been on a journey of a thousand steps and now I've gone 997 and there are only 3 more to go. This journey is nearly complete and the outcome is almost certain. And now I'm sitting here staring at those last 3 steps and it's almost like I'm afraid to take them - and yet, I'm terrified I'll miss them. That's the weird thing.

Day 151

This is what happens when you mix a 7 year old boy, sunscreen and a day of junior olympics on a dusty school blacktop. No, his feet aren't super clean. His legs are really, really dirty.

******

In other news, I'm testing for black belt this weekend. It deserves it's own post though.

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Day 151

Day 150

Dean left me a message.

Day 149

Day 148

Day 147

05/30/10, originally uploaded by Twintales.

Graham came over for dinner tonight. After we ate, he wrestled with the two young uns.They had a truce just long enough to snap this photo.

Day 146

Dean's little tomato plant has sprouted!

Day 145

He was our sushi chef at the restaurant. Doesn't he look happy?