Preschoolers

Yesterday was the first day back to the daycare after the holiday break. It also marked the boys' first official day on the preschool side. T and I had been prepping them, not only about returning to school, but also about the fact that they were moving to the other side. When we got there, M's son A greeting the boys with hugs and they walked in and immediately showed me where their cubbies were. Then they got down to the business of playing. Usually I have to pull J off my leg with a shoehorn, but not this time. Off he went with barely a glance behind him and a half-hearted "Bye Mom" thrown over his shoulder. So, I asked them to come back and give me hugs and kisses, which they did, and then they ran off again. Clearly, I wasn't needed to help ease this transition so I headed back to my car. As I was leaving, I suddenly started to feel really emotional. After all, this was a big milestone for J and D and I was so busy prepping them that I forgot to prep myself. I suddenly remembered the early days when I first went back to work. They weighed less than 10 pounds and stayed with one caregiver in a small room off the preschool side. I used to go to the daycare every lunch hour to nurse the boys and I could watch the preschoolers running around the back yard and I thought I'd never see the day when my boys would do that. It seemed so far away. Now, those days seem like ancient history. Flashing through my mind went all the little milestones that we've had at the daycare. Moving from that little room with the one caregiver to the "infant" room when they were deemed strong and healthy enough. Then from the infant room to the toddler room. And now, this is the last move they'll make before they go to kindergarten. It's happening so fast. I wasn't prepared for this part, well let's be honest - any part, of motherhood. And the thing is, I'm so proud of them. So impressed with D's self awareness, independence and cleverness. Then there's J who wants to help me with everything, who's so strong and athletic. So, to see them integrate into the preschool life without a care in the world just brought their young lives into focus for me. I wish I could just take a moment from their babyhood and wear it around my neck so that whenever I longed to smell their baby soft skin or touch their silken hair, I could do so. Is that so wrong?